According to Dictionary.com the definition of family is as follows:
fam·i·ly
[fam-uh-lee, fam-lee]
Show IPA noun,plural -lies, adjectivenoun
1.
a.
a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not: the traditional family.
b.
a social unit consisting of one or more adults together with the children they care for: a single-parent family.
2.
the children of one person or one couple collectively: We want a large family.
3.
the spouse and children of one person: We're taking the family on vacation next week.
4.
any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins: to marry into a socially prominent family.
5.
all those persons considered as descendants of a common progenitor.
This is something else that consumed quite a bit of my time during 2011, trying to define my family. My history is that my parents separated and divorced when I was just a little girl in pigtails. My little brother was raised by our father and my little sister and I were raised by our mother. There was never any consistent efforts made to keep me and my sister connected to the base of the family, because my mother was too busy doing other things. I remember that it was always so difficult for us to be able to visit with our father and our brother. This was due to hurt feelings between our parents and we little people suffered because of it.
I see also in my adult years that my family never discussed real issues. Emotions were always allowed to dominate and they still live that way even today. As a result, I never learned to communicate with the adults, nor them with me. So there is this space that continues to need to be filled with important attempts of I acknowledge.., I forgive.. and I love.., but may possibly never be simply because tomorrow is not promised to any of us.
During the times throughout the year of 2011 that I spent sitting in the company of my mother and father, whether together or separate, I have found it uncomfortable. In the end I always regretted the occasion because we typically chit chatted about things that really don't matter to me. I didn't return home after 20 plus years believing that trying to reestablish relationships with my family would be a walk in the park either. That's why I lived right down the street from my mother for nearly two years before even inviting her into my home. You would have to know her and our history to understand.
Having two young children at home I feel that it's important to have clarity about the people who come and go through our front door. They are not old enough to comprehend all of the reasons why I have reservations about the majority of our family members and there is no need to go into it here, not at this moment at least.
However, I will tell you that I have accepted the fact that I am considered an outsider there, a black sheep. That's been the story of my life. But just the same, I am a good person and a logical person. My downfall is simply that I have little to zero time for bullshit or for people who are not good for me or to me and who pose a risk to the sanctuary that I call my home. They are like a cancer gnawing away at the skeletal remains of what could have been and I cannot risk further contamination. It's plenty enough that I carry the same chromosomes and have many of their behavioral traits. Thankfully, I also have choices.
No, family is not what I expected or hoped it to be. Over the years I have discovered that many families have internal problems of many varying degrees. Particularly where children like myself came from divorced and or remarried parents. The lost generation didn't just happen, it was created perhaps unknowingly by families who never had it together in the first place.
The conclusion that I finally arrived at is that I am simply a member of group number 5 on the Dictionary.com list, "all those persons considered as descendants of a common progenitor." That sounds rather matter of factual doesn't it? But as some say, "It is what it is." This is no pity-potty post either my friend, but rather my way of releasing some of the trash from my life so I can move on to some more of the good stuff.
All of the stories of my life have helped to create the reasons that I am so compassionate about the fight against HIV & AIDS. Communication is a crucial part of the resolution and it begins at home. Do you see how easy it would be for someone in my position to suffer alone being that this is what my so called family consists of?
Peace & Blessings to you and yours.
I see also in my adult years that my family never discussed real issues. Emotions were always allowed to dominate and they still live that way even today. As a result, I never learned to communicate with the adults, nor them with me. So there is this space that continues to need to be filled with important attempts of I acknowledge.., I forgive.. and I love.., but may possibly never be simply because tomorrow is not promised to any of us.
During the times throughout the year of 2011 that I spent sitting in the company of my mother and father, whether together or separate, I have found it uncomfortable. In the end I always regretted the occasion because we typically chit chatted about things that really don't matter to me. I didn't return home after 20 plus years believing that trying to reestablish relationships with my family would be a walk in the park either. That's why I lived right down the street from my mother for nearly two years before even inviting her into my home. You would have to know her and our history to understand.
Having two young children at home I feel that it's important to have clarity about the people who come and go through our front door. They are not old enough to comprehend all of the reasons why I have reservations about the majority of our family members and there is no need to go into it here, not at this moment at least.
However, I will tell you that I have accepted the fact that I am considered an outsider there, a black sheep. That's been the story of my life. But just the same, I am a good person and a logical person. My downfall is simply that I have little to zero time for bullshit or for people who are not good for me or to me and who pose a risk to the sanctuary that I call my home. They are like a cancer gnawing away at the skeletal remains of what could have been and I cannot risk further contamination. It's plenty enough that I carry the same chromosomes and have many of their behavioral traits. Thankfully, I also have choices.
No, family is not what I expected or hoped it to be. Over the years I have discovered that many families have internal problems of many varying degrees. Particularly where children like myself came from divorced and or remarried parents. The lost generation didn't just happen, it was created perhaps unknowingly by families who never had it together in the first place.
The conclusion that I finally arrived at is that I am simply a member of group number 5 on the Dictionary.com list, "all those persons considered as descendants of a common progenitor." That sounds rather matter of factual doesn't it? But as some say, "It is what it is." This is no pity-potty post either my friend, but rather my way of releasing some of the trash from my life so I can move on to some more of the good stuff.
All of the stories of my life have helped to create the reasons that I am so compassionate about the fight against HIV & AIDS. Communication is a crucial part of the resolution and it begins at home. Do you see how easy it would be for someone in my position to suffer alone being that this is what my so called family consists of?
Peace & Blessings to you and yours.
